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By Dawn Bauer, Women of L.E.A.D.E.R.S.H.I.P. 1ST

It seems  foreign to some of us to actually ask for what we want. So often we have dreams, desires, wants and needs but lack the courage to simply ask. There are probably several reasons why we would be reluctant. For some of us it may stem from a childhood that it wasn’t safe to ask, because you were taught to accept what was given. For others it maybe a shyness that carries an inability to convey and for others it may be an insecurity that forces you to believe you don’t deserve what you desire.

A friend recently shared with me a YouTube clip of singer Billy Joel and a Vanderbilt student at a lecture/performance where Joel was the guest. This student prepared a question and was selected. The singer was his hero and he decided to make the boldest move in his life. He wanted to accompany Joel in “New York State of Mind.” He didn’t give a long explanation, he just asked and much to his surprise, Joel obliged with a simple “okay.”

Here is what brave Michael Pollack said in a news article about the opportunity: “I kind of lost myself playing and afterwards, he told me I was really great and asked where I am from. I told him I was a Long Islander just like him and then he said ‘cool’ and I walked off.”

Watching the video I was moved, but reading the article made me realize that such a monumental moment was simply granted all because he had the courage to ask.

We should all think of Pollack and this moment in his life the next time we desire to have a wish granted but lack the confidence to simply ask. Keep in mind that the worst thing that can happen is that we may hear “no” instead of “yes,” but at least we won’t walk away with regret over having not asked!

Dawn Bauer used her personal experience of “tough love” toward her troubled son to found The Family Hope Line in 2009. Family Hope Line is a cost-free placement service which assists families with struggling teens and provides family restoration. Through her company Dawn is a Family Advocate and certified Parent Coach. Her company creates an education-focused environment for teens while providing them with important life lessons to examine failed expectations, low self-esteem and fear which can hinder their potential and personal growth. Dawn is passionate in serving others and volunteers her time to various organizations in her community of St. Simons Island, Ga. Her message for young ladies is to “forgive and move from victim to victor” with a goal of empowering them with personal awareness and obtaining life skills that allow them to impact and empower others with similar struggles.

By Hakim Hazim, L.E.A.D.E.R.S.H.I.P. 1ST Intervention Specialist

I get complaints from time to time because of what I say or write. That’s fair when you decide to be public with your thoughts. This may rub some the wrong way, but I believe I need to make a statement to shape this commentary. We are a nation in dire need of restraint in all areas and appetites of our lives. I believe many of the obsessive and compulsive fixations we develop are the result of never learning to control our desire for instant gratification. Our lack of restraint is easily measured by our obesity epidemic, drug consumption (including alcohol), lack of patience with others and ultimately our inability to maintain long-lasting, meaningful relationships.

We rush to judgment and consent with many of the most important things in life. We chase artificial fulfillment and status and we flee accountability and situations that can shape our character. It pains me to see how often people are taken for a ride because they simply lack the restraint wisdom and experience provides. A person’s destiny is tied to the mental, emotional and spiritual framework they develop over time, or in other words, their worldview. Every single thing that comprises their lives, relationships included, has been assessed and fashioned to fit into this framework. We assign value to the relationships or potential relationships we come into contact with if they fit into our outlook and allocate time and resources based on the score we assign them. Unfortunately, many of our worldviews are warped because they have been constructed by a culture that is increasingly self-absorbed and impulsive. How can thinking based on this foundation be wise or blessed? Well, it can’t be.

Wisdom is defined by outcomes. Countless relationships come to an end because we never take the time to get to know people. People have not changed much over the millenniums; they hunger for authentic, real relationships. A wise man once told me “Nature assigns followers to leaders after their own hearts.” In other words, followers who lack the initiative or skill sets to accomplish their desires will readily align with someone who can get them closer to their goals. The follower’s hearts, good or bad, will align with a leader of similar character. This is an axiom I have found to be consistently true. If you want to see wise trustworthy leaders, look to see who is in their inner circle and you will see them in the company of wise, tempered, kind people for the most part. “Birds of a feather flock together.” A self-seeking, impulsive person attracts the same kind of people. I call them “opportunity junkies.”

In a world where everyone is looking out for themselves, it takes restraint to navigate effectively. We have to train our hearts and spiritual eyes to see the self deception taking place. Perhaps we are too blind to see the man in the mirror accurately. If that’s the case it’s okay; there is a better way to know if you are making good choices. Look at your contact list and the people you call friends. Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33

Hakim Hazim is the founder of Relevant Now Consultancy and L.E.A.D.E.R.S.H.I.P. 1ST Intervention Specialist. Hakim has been immersed in research for at risk populations since 1993. His successful results confirmed first-hand that: “The price of incarceration in terms of expense for housing offenders is too much for society to consistently pay, and the future grows darker. Bluntly put, we can’t sustain the cost in lives or resources. It is my fervent belief that a productive tax-paying citizen is a far better option. Given the right tools, young people can change and lead positive lives.” As a certified Crisis Prevention Institute Senior Trainer and Behavior Intervention Specialist he specializes in the following various areas of security: counterterrorism, radical religious sects, gangs, juvenile delinquency and law enforcement approaches for mentally ill or challenged individuals. Hakim is also the creator of the 4Cs of Leadership trainings and MC2U: “Mentoring Challenge to You” initiative.

By Nicole D. Hayes, Women of L.E.A.D.E.R.S.H.I.P. 1ST, Director

Have you started the dream project that awakes you each morning with excitement yet still resides in your head collecting cobwebs? Has your New Year’s Resolution to begin that “new thing” followed you now into spring, not yet begun? Not to worry. You’re likely not alone.  Sometimes we just need a reset. With nearly seven months remaining of 2013, you can make your start now. So how do you get going today?

A few years ago, I read a book that helped me begin a new project. The project/dream was to become self-employed and serve others through public relations as I had been doing, but finding my particular niche to help those typically underserved. The 226-page book, “The Art of the Start”  (2004) by Guy Kawasaki with its cover imagery of striking a match, offered the tested advice I needed from someone who had been where I was trying to go. CEO of Garage Technology Ventures and a former Apple Computer Fellow, Kawasaki dismisses many presumptions and “expert” tips that would overwhelm most people before they even begin. Instead, he shares sage advice, some of which did and didn’t surprise me. I’ll share with you five of the most immediate tips to transfer your idea into something tangible:

1- Decide how your idea can make meaning. Meaning is not about money, power or prestige. That’s far too superficial and won’t sustain you during your project’s ups and downs. Instead, does your idea make the world a better place? Does idea increase the quality of life? Does it right a terrible wrong/injustice? Does your idea prevent the end of something good?

2- Create your company or project mantra. Not to be confused with taglines, a mantra identifies what you are serving your internal and external customers. Mantras are typically 3-5 words. Here are sample mantras:

Nike- “Authentic athletic performance.” (Tagline is “Just Do It”)

Starbucks- “Rewarding everyday moments.”

Now, write yours.

3- Get going. To get going, Kawasaki quickly dismisses the immediate drafting of a business plan or creating financial projections. Instead, he suggests you “rein in your tendency to draft a document and simply implement.” Implement could include building a prototype, designing an app, launching your website, offering your services, baking those cupcakes, etc. He cautions against investing extensive time testing, refining, testing, refining. There will be time to plan, retool and refine. The enemy of activation is cogitation (“paralysis by analysis”–Lord knows I need to improve here) and stalls many well-intentioned people. Those items can come later. Just get going!

4- Think big, aim high. Set your sights high and strive for something that allows you to meet your “meaning” (Tip 1).  When Jeff Bezos began Amazon.com, he built an online bookstore not with 50 books but with 3,000,000 titles.

5- Find your dream team. Anything worth doing should not be done alone. Surround yourself with “soulmates,” people who believe in your dream/project. They want to offer their specialized skillsets and are willing to proselytize (to advocate, promote) your project as if it were their own because they are invested in your “meaning.”

I hope these tips are helpful. Maybe you have started your project and an incoming ball from left field knocked your plans off track. Perhaps in this case, you simply need to draw back your arrow and reposition it to align with your target destination. If you’re already going in your project, my hat’s off to you! Now, encourage someone else to “get going” on their dream or idea.

Nicole D. Hayes desires that girls understand their worth and know their identity. Nicole is the Women of L.E.A.D.E.R.S.H.I.P. 1ST Director whereby she communicates the activities, goals, messages, mission and vision of this women’s leadership division. Women of L.E.A.D.E.R.S.H.I.P. 1ST was inspired based on Nicole’s passion to empower and restore women through a global platform in partnership with the talents of other women who share the same passion, varying talents and embody the L.E.A.D.E.R.S.H.I.P. 1ST core leadership traits. In addition to this role, alongside her brother, Nicole is also the co-founder of Pieces of Life, LLC a media relations consultancy based in Washington, D.C. Operating with a company and personal mantra of “making an investment in people,” she serves nonprofit organizations and small businesses desiring media visibility, but lack in-house expertise or budget to hire a full-service agency. She also has a background in broadcast journalism and uses that outlet to address issues for homeless persons and other disenfranchised women, individuals.